


An End to a Phrase

by zarabithia



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-24
Updated: 2007-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-20 17:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14899245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: Six years after Clark's death, neither Kara nor Dick have forgotten.





	An End to a Phrase

It was six days after Superman died that Kara first put on the pants to match her cousin’s costume. The part of her that had been trained as an Amazon cried foul as she changed her attire to fit Superman’s, but the part of her that was a superhero knew that a world that had watched Kal-El sacrifice himself to save them needed Superwoman to guide them out of their grief- what Supergirl may or may not have wanted was immaterial.

If Kal-El could sacrifice himself to save the world - to save _her_ \- Kara could sacrifice part of her own identity to repay him.

Once a year, every year, for six years, Kara had to get used to the ill-fitting tightness of those pants all over again as she visited the Fortress on the anniversary of his death. She wasn’t alone in mourning - the entire world never quite got over the event. But of all those that grieved, only Diana and she were both capable and close enough to Superman to make the journey to the Fortress to pay their respects… And Diana wasn’t comfortable doing so. Instead, Wonder Woman spent the day in Metropolis, taking care of those who would harm Kal’s adopted city.

It was far more of a warrior way to deal with things, Kara supposed, than the crying, confused hours that Kara spent during trips to her cousin’s Fortress.

But then, if she had chosen Diana’s way, she might never have bonded with Nightwing. Kal’s former lover - and her current fiancée - insisted on accompanying Kara to the Fortress every year on the anniversary of Kal’s death.

Six days before their intended wedding, he accompanied her again. It was the first time either of them had been to the Fortress on a day that wasn’t the anniversary of Kal’s death, and Kara forced herself to be strong - she was the only Kryptonian left, she had _no choice_ but to be strong - as she walked down the long corridor leading to the main part of the Fortress. She ignored the memorials and statues along the way, even as Dick purposely took them in. Dick had positive memories of his time here; Kara had only negative memories of a teenager rebelling against the greatest man she’ll never have the pleasure to know.

When they reached the room housing the tribute to Jor-El and Lara - the same spot they had been coming to for six years, the same spot where Dick had once gained his adult identity from the man who had transitioned from childhood hero to adult partner- Dick gave her hand the same squeeze he had given it for six years. Kara gritted her teeth in a forced smile and reminded herself not to squeeze _too hard_ before she let go, literally, and at least for a while, figuratively, as she sought solace in what had once been a fantastic alien zoo - far enough away that it gave Dick the impression of being alone with Kal-El’s memory.

And…she knew that she shouldn’t eavesdrop, but standing alone in a room that had once been full of alien life from across the galaxies, the weight of the Kal’s death was too much, the ‘S’ on her chest too constrictive, and she sought comfort in the voice of the man both she and her cousin had loved so very much.

"Kara and I are getting married on Sunday," Dick informed his own empty room. "Barring any exploding priests or alien invasions, of course."

Kara wondered how many of Dick’s friends would rejoice if either event happened. None of them - whether they were affiliated with Titan or Bat - seemed to like her very much. Red Arrow tolerated her and Robin didn’t seem to _hate_ her, though whether that was because of her or because of Cassie, Kara wasn’t sure.

She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, anymore than she wanted to know if the cloud of Kal had surrounded Dick’s attempted wedding to Kory the way it would their own wedding.

"But I guess you knew that, already. I mean, you’re _Superman._ And I can’t imagine that even death would stop you from …watching over us."

Kara ran her hand idly over the exhibit tag naming an animal long since removed to the Bat Cave. She didn’t know what a Gordanian Garmog was, what it looked like, or what possible purpose Batman could find in housing it.

Unless it was the same reason that brought she and Dick here, to the Fortress.

"You told me that, once." Dick’s voice was soft and as fragile as the human bones in his body. "I was fourteen, and the first bits of doubt were starting to creep in. You promised you’d always be there, to look out for me."

She ran her hand over the glass plate again, and wondered if Kal had ever tried to teach her about the Garmog. There were so many lessons he’d tried to teach and she hadn’t listened…

"For the entire year that you died, I didn’t believe you were dead. After all, you’d died before, right? And came back to us - came back to look out for me. An entire _year_ I spent wallowing in the denial stage of grief. But I guess you know that, too."

For the entire first year that Kal had died, Kara had nightmares about that stupid space race. They always ended the same, too - with the Kara telling Kal she could out run and out fly him anytime.

And in the end…she had.

Kara had spent the entire first year wondering how she could be so stupid as to ever treat their line of work as a _kid game._ Kal had wondered that too, when he’d been alive. Dick always maintained that the man he loved would have forgiven and forgotten.

Kara hadn’t known that part of Kal.

As her hand fell from the Garmog’s name plate, she wondered not for the first time, what else about the man she hadn’t known.

"The second year after you were gone… I started blaming you. For not keeping your promise. I guess that’s a normal stage of grief, too, right? Anger. God knows, I was _so angry_ at you. I…I almost didn’t come to the Fortress with Kara that year."

She certainly hadn’t known about his relationship with Dick, not before he’d died, anyway. In retrospect, considering the superhero name Dick wore so proudly, Kara supposed it should be obvious.

But it had taken a determined Dick Grayson confronting her and demanding the right to pay a visit to the Fortress before Kara had even begun to suspect…and it had taken a heartbroken mourning session in the very same spot Dick was currently standing in to make her certain.

She’d been so ashamed of previous attempts at flirting with Nightwing that she’d eavesdropped then, too, and in light of everything that had taken place since then, Kara wondered if Kal would have approved or disapproved.

"I did a lot of stupid things that year. I tried to reform the Outsiders. I even stopped being _Nightwing._ In short, I did everything short of rejoining Slade to let you know how much I _needed you._ But in the end, it was Superwoman who saved me."

Kara brushed her hand over the label for a Thanagarian Xolog, and though she still had no clue what the creature might have been, there were still a number of tiny hairs lining the cracks in the would-be cage that Batman’s eyes couldn’t have seen, but Kara’s could. They were small, quill-like hairs, and Kara briefly imagined Kal, Bruce, herself, and Dick petting a small alien hedgehog.

The day she had saved Dick was mostly a painful memory; she hadn’t needed to be J’onn to see that he hadn’t really wanted to be saved. But she’ll never forget the way his angry shouts had changed as they lifted into to the air, far above the exploding building, wind whipping her hair around her face and into his.

In that soft, sweet, pain-ridden voice of his, he’d commented that all Supers’ hair was surprisingly soft. Kara knew him well enough now to recognize that as the first sign of him giving in and letting her in.

Even if it had taken some angry shouts of her own, and several reminders that Dick wasn’t the only one that had lost Superman… _Clark_ before they'd fully gotten to that point _._

Even if she hadn’t know _Clark_ at all.

"I - She’s something, Clark. Nothing at all like the girl you left behind. Though, I guess, at 18, she wasn’t really a girl when you died, either."

She’d cut her hair immediately after that incident, shorter than Karen’s ever had been.

Sometimes she missed it. But Rao, Superwoman couldn’t very well wear a ponytail to work, could she?

Sometimes, she wished she’d asked Kal that, before he left them.

"I never - she was never a substitute, Clark. She’s nothing like you, except for when she’s in the costume. And I wouldn’t have. . . I wouldn’t have used her that way." Dick sighed heavily, and Kara scraped her finger across the Kryptonian metal holding the cages together, strong enough to draw blood. "But I never stopped hoping …dreaming…wishing you’d come back."

It was an odd, twisted fate that not being anything like Kal- the one thing that made her a lousy Superwoman - was the thing that had brought her together with the man that she loved.

"But I’m getting married. In six days. So. I…I have to give up, Clark. And I’m ready, finally. To give up and _accept_ that you aren’t ever coming back. Because it isn’t fair to Kara…for me to keep coming back here. She thinks it means I’m waiting for you. And I’m not."

Kara pulled her finger away and frowned down at the blood. She wished futilely that it would scar over, that she could have one scar to match the many scattered across her lover’s body.

But she won’t.

Years will go by and he’ll keep adding more and more scars, until the final scar takes him away from her forever, until he could leave her and rejoin Kal.

"It’s not fair to her to let her keep thinking that. So I’m not. . . I’m not coming back here anymore, Clark. I’ll still mourn you every year, but I’ll do so with the thousands of mourners that go to your public statue." Dick’s voice was very soft as he finished. "I loved you, Clark. But I’ve finally accepted that you aren’t coming back and I…we have to move on."

Kara didn’t know Clark that well before he died, no where near as well as his friends, and certainly not as well as Dick.

But she knew Kal well enough to know that Dick moving on was exactly what he would have wanted.

"I’ll take care of him for you, Kal-El," she whispered softly enough that human ears couldn’t hear.

There was a sniffle, and a cleared throat, and Dick joined her in the remnants of the alien zoo. "I’m ready," he said, and Kara believed him.

"Me too," she promised.


End file.
